Monday, December 3, 2007

A Celebration of Brent Zehr's Life

Dear Friends of Brent:

At Brent's request, this is his father writing what will be the final journal entry outlining briefly the Celebration of Life Memorial Service held for him December 1, 2007. Despite inclement weather including roadway icing, there was a large gathering of family, friends and others who had known, worked and interacted with Brent over the years. While there were certainly elements of profound sadness of the need for this occasion, at the same time there was an uplifting spirit of celebration of a life well-lived and one that had made a positive impact on many people, both as a result of his professional activities and from his writings through this blog site. For Brent, sharing these blog messages was a form of therapy over the past months as he anticipated and planned for his coming graduation from this life to the next.

Following is the program:

CELEBRATION of BRENT ZEHR'S LIFE

Prelude Music: (included was Benjamin, Brent's youngest son, playing a beautiful rendition of Amazing Grace).

Welcome

Prayer

Hymn: "When Peace Like a River"

Scripture: Isaiah 40:28-31; I Peter 1:3-9 - - Lynn and Guri Johal

Quartet: "Children of the Heavenly Father"

Sharing: Martha Moore

Scripture: Psalms 23

Sharing: Karl Cressman, Jack Widholm

Solo

Sharing: Alka and Brad Harringer

Hymn: "Amazing Grace"

Sharing: Rajmohan Gandhi, Roger Beachy

Quartet: "Day by Day"

Open Sharing

Reading: "Surely there must be....." David Wright

Hymn: "Praise God from Whom"

Postlude Music

Participants:
Ministers: Cindy Breeze and Larry Wilson
Pianists: Debra Sutter and Benjamin Zehr
Song Leader: Cindy Breeze
Quartet: Clark Breeze, Kara Hjelmstad, Rachel Rasmussen and Robin Shealy
Soloist: David Wright


Those sharing formally during the program were friends from Brent's childhood years, from undergraduate and graduate student years, from post graduate years and from years as a faculty member at Purdue University. In addition, faculty from the University of Illinois and colleagues who have worked with Brent as a research scientist reflected on his life and professional contributions. Due to the inclement winter weather, which resulted in closure of the local airport, Dr. Roger Beachy, President of the Danforth Science Center, St. Louis, MO., was unable to attend. He faxed his comments which were read on his behalf.

During the period of open sharing, many people commented on Brent's life, including those of both a professional and personal nature. Perhaps none summarized Brent's life more appropriately than Dr. Earl Kellogg, recently retired Associate Provost for International Affairs at the University of Illinois, who observed that in academic circles there is an assumption that the life of a scientist is incompatible with simultaneously having a deep religous faith. Brent's life proved that assumption false.

Brent's remains have now been cremated. At Brent's request, Usha, Brian and Benjamin will take his ashes to significant places in India and elsewhere where they have lived, worked and traveled. In Brent's own words, "My wife and children will do this, out of respect and to bring a form of closure to my life on earth - - - for everyone."

Brent's life, while much too short, was well-lived and productive. It was a privilege and honor to have had him as a member of our family.

In Lieu of flowers, the following may be considered, an eye hospital for free eye care for the poor (Shri Ganapati Netralaya, http://www.netralaya.org/) or the Urbana Park District, for Meadow Brooks Park (attn: erkirsanoff@urbanaparks.org). These may be directed to First Mennonite Church, 902 W. Springfield Ave., Urbana, IL 61801 if so desired.

Thus ends Brent's blog: http://www.brentjourney.blogspot.com/

FINIS

Saturday, November 17, 2007

Brent's Journey Has Ended

This is Brent's father writing at his request to report the conclusion of his journey with adult onset pleomorphic rhabdomyosarcoma, a rare and aggressive form of soft tissue cancer typically found in children, very rarely in adults. Brent passed away November 17th at the age of 46 years surrounded by his family at the home of his parents, John and Betty Zehr, Urbana, IL. A Celebration of Life Memorial Service will be held at 2:00 PM on Saturday, December 1st at the First Mennonite Church, 902 W. Springfield Ave., Urbana, Illinois. Since his last Blog, October 28th, Brent's health deteriorated rapidly making it impossible for him to post further messages.

Although Brent's initial Blog was in May 2007, his struggle with the disease began a year earlier. In the spring of 2006, while attending a research conference in Copenhagen, he first noticed a slight swelling at the eventual tumor site in his leg, assuming it was probably a hamstring injury and little knowing the lurking danger it posed. While struggling with this disease, he used this Blog site to openly share his thoughts, feelings and insights with the hope that others might find encouragement and comfort for their own personal journey, whatever that might be. As he neared the end of his life, Brent asked that, after he was gone, I write this post to announce his passing and later an additional final post to provide some details about the memorial service celebrating his life. He especially asked that these final posts be submitted as a way of bringing closure for those who have expressed their concerns during his difficult journey. Over the past months, Brent received cards, letters, phone calls, e-mails and Blog responses from individuals from both the US and around the world, some coming from individuals with whom he was simply acquainted, others with whom he had professional working relationships and yet others whom he had never met. For these, he was very grateful and encouraged that his posts had been an inspiration to others, many of whom also face their own difficult circumstances.

The majority of those reading his Blog knew very little about Brent other than information included in his posts. Therefore, without elaborating on the comments that appeared in his writings, I will provide a few details about his personal life: who he was, what he did and how he became the person most of you came to know only from his Blog posts.

Brent was quiet, unassuming and unpretentious, yet very bright. He was blessed with a mind of unusual perception and depth. At an early age it was apparent that he absorbed and processed information quickly and easily. As early as the second grade, his teachers remarked that "he thinks differently than the rest of the class." Throughout his grade school years, teachers often commented that he asked "what if" and "why" kinds of questions which were unusual for a child. Would not an event have turned out better if only someone had acted earlier? Why didn't someone do something about it before it was too late? He would ponder on new and different ways to deal with a situation that might have made a difference. Today, we call this "thinking outside the box." As a young child, Brent was "thinking outside the box" before the term was coined. He obtained an undergraduate degree at the University of Illinois, Champaign-Urbana, and went on to complete a PhD in Agronomy in June of 1990. His thesis research dealt with developing unique methods to identify genetic markers to be applied in maize breeding and, in general, applications to modify and enhance plant performance, particularly those related to improved food production. Along the way, he met and married an exceptionally gifted young woman from India, Usha Barwale, who also earned a PhD degree in a similar field. During the year prior to completion and defense of his doctoral dissertation, Brent was recruited to the teaching and research faculty of Purdue University, West Lafayette, Indiana. After completing his PhD, he and his family moved to Purdue where he lectured, supervised graduate student training and conducted plant research with corn. Usha also held a position as a plant research scientist during their time at Purdue. In the fall of 1996, he and Usha resigned their positions at Purdue and moved with their two sons, Benjamin and Brian, then aged three and seven, to India where Brent assumed the positon of Director of Research for the Maharashtra Hybrid Seed Company (Mahyco). There, he, assisted by Usha, led teams of research scientists in the development and application of modern genetic and biotechnology techniques. Over the past decade, their work has resulted in significant improvements in an array of hybrid varieties of food, fiber and edible oil crops, all of which has enhanced the welfare of countless small farmers and their families in India and has implications for others throughout the world. Until the final weeks of his life, Brent was in conversation by e-mail with his colleagues and staff in India making comments on the results of work they had sent for his review and suggesting future avenues to pursue.

From his earliest years, Brent was an avid and skilled fisherman, much more so than his two brothers and only sister. Since I (his father) was also a fishing enthusiast, over the years we tested the waters of Illinois, Missouri, Wisconsin and Minnesota. We fished several years at a remote Canadian lake accessible only by fly-in pontoon planes. We fished at isolated lakes of the high country of British Columbia, in streams of the Cascade Mountains and the wider Pacific Ocean. We once spent a half-day off the coast of Hawaii hoping to catch a Marlin, without success. While he was an early teenager, Brent and I spent two weeks canoeing, fishing and camping in the Canadian wilderness, seeing no one and in complete isolation for the entire period. Later, as a college student, he led groups of students and adults on canoe and camping trips to the Canadian boundary waters. To the very end, he never lost the urge to get away for a time to some remote area to go fishing. In fact, during his final appointment at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota, upon learning from sarcoma specialists that the new monoclonal antibody experimental treatments, of which he was a subject, were unsuccessful and that there was no known treatment for his rare type of cancer and that his life would soon be ending, he called and asked if I could come and join him for one last trip to Bowstring Lake, a beautiful spot in northern Minnesota where, with his two sons, we had spent time fishing for a number of years. Regrettably, his health and energy had deteriorated to such an extent that it was not possible for us to make that "last trip to Bowstring". Rather than spending his final days in a hospital undergoing further, and undoubtedly futile, efforts to temporarily prolong his life, he and Usha made the difficult decision to return to the home of his parents to live out his final days surrounded by his immediate family while under the care of a Hospice nurse. His final weeks were marked by numerous visits from family members, from friends and other acquaintances and from professional colleagues, both from the US and abroad. Those visits were deeply appreciated and brought closure to some very meaningful professional and personal relationships.

A Final Farewell to Brent:

Brent, we were privileged and honored that you were a member of our family. Even though you left us much too soon, you had an exceptionally full and productive life. You married a spectacularly gifted wife (Usha) who has given you two fine sons. You traveled the world on research and business matters, as well as for recreational activities with your family. You were comfortable and worked effectively in both Eastern and Western cultures. You met and worked with a wide range of interesting people, from small underprivileged Indian farmers, to politicians, to academicians and Noble Prize winners. You were an outstanding research scientist whose contributions in modern plant biotechnology had a positive impact on the economic welfare of those who aspire for a better life for their families. For years to come, the results of your work will continue to influence the lives of many around the world. You were an effective administrator having gifts for the leadership required for team building to identify and develop new research initiatives and to transfer that research from the laboratory to the fields. Furthermore, as your life neared its end, your Blog posts left a lasting impact on many people, most of whom remain unknown to you. You shared your thoughts about the uncertainties of life and how one accepts the certainty of an approaching death. The raw honesty and courage with which you wrote were a continuation of the integrity you demonstrated throughout your life and the world is better because you were a part of it. Your pain has now ended and you are in a far better place. Someone has suggested that God's greatest gift to us is death because it opens the path to restoration. Brent you have now received God's final and greatest gift - - the path to restoration. With Usha's excellent nurturing skills and dedication to your family, you may rest assured that your young sons, Benjamin and Brian, will be well cared for and will grow to be a credit and honor to your legacy. While they will never fully understand the tragedy in their lives of the loss of their father and best friend, during your final weeks you spent much time and counseled them extensively about your impending death and how their lives would be affected thereafter. All of which has softened their pain and provided them with wisdom of which they would otherwise have been deprived. For this, they will be forever grateful.

Surely, there must be a place in heaven:
- where crystal clear lakes are surrounded by green forests,
- where loons cry their lonesome calls in the night,
- where walleye and northerns and muskie and bass await to play their pesky games with those trying to catch them,
- where a mallard duck swims quietly across the glassy water followed single-file by her little brood. Together, they leave a V-shaped wake, almost as if a playful God had dipped a finger in the water to create a trace across the glassy surface.

And as the early morning dawn announces a new day and the sun begins to rise over the evergreens of the surrounding forests, a bald eagle soars high overhead.

Then you will know that surely this must be a part of heaven. If not, then these are places where heaven has come down to touch the earth.

We know this for certain, Brent -- because, together, we have often watched the early morning sun rise on places such as this. Surely, God was there. So this, too, must be a part of heaven.

Farewell for now, Brent. You have gone on before us, but we will meet you at the place where there is no more pain, no more sarcomas, no more anger, no more conflict - - - only peace and praise for the One to whom we have committed our lives.

Your Dad, Mother and Family

Addendum: At Brent's request, I will submit a final Blog entry outlining something of the memorial service celebrating his life. Also, prior to his passing, in response to a number of requests, Brent asked that his Blog posts be compiled into a book for those who might be interested. To request a copy, e-mail me at:
Zjbz@aol.com. Please identify your request on the subject line as: Brent' Journey. This will be helpful in sorting out those requests from routine junk mail. Pease provide a name and mailing address.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Update on Brent's Health Status

Friends of Brent:

Brent has requested that I send a brief update on the current status of his health. Since his most recent blog post, October 28th, he has experienced increased breathing problems and his general energy has dissipated significantly. Currently, he is confined to his bed and unable to write further blog entries, therefore he wanted me to provide this information to those who might be interested. He has appreciated all those who have written words of encouragement, including blog comments, e-mails, cards and letters. Your words have been a blessing to him.

His two sons, Brian, a student at the University of Illinois, and Benjamin, a freshmen at Urbana High School, are able to spend significant periods of time with him each evening. This has been a joy for him, the boys and Usha.

Brent is receiving appropriate medical care which provides as much physical comfort as possible under the present circumstances. For this we are all grateful

We shall keep you informed in the future when further develpments concerning Brent seem appropriate.

Brent's father:

John E. Zehr

Sunday, October 28, 2007

Audio / Visual Snapshot of Our Life in INDIA

Dear Friends,

As possibly my final blog entry, I wanted to provide a snapshot of our family life over the past 10 years; most of which were spent in INDIA. While it is not possible to pass around photo albums to everyone interested, it is possible to put together digital images of those years into a slide sequence; and while we are at it, why not set this digital slide show to classical Indian music? In order to accomplish all of this, I had to give it as an assignment to my youngest son, Ben, who is the most techno-savy member of the family. My oldest son, Brian, helped with finding an Internet site to upload and host the slide show file. My wife, Usha, selected the images; while I selected the music.

For those friends and family who have been reading these blog pages over the past months, we hope that this audio / visual presentation will give you some idea of our life during the past 10 years in INDIA (and a few snaps of vacations in the US).

Love And Peace To ALL,
BRENT

Please note that some of these sites which host videos will also arrange video options with related names just above what you are watching. For example, other's videos which also involve the name "Brent", may be posted just above mine. Rest assured, these have nothing to do with me. The only video I have ever posted on the web is the one you will see by clicking the following link :
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-2154689191696447376




Friday, October 26, 2007

I AM NEVER ALONE


The artist of this work is Jeffery Sabol; Mystic, Connecticut. It was sent to me by my friend Jean; who lives in Mystic. I can always count on Jean for a card, picture, puzzle, small toy, or just simple email to let me know how her day went. She also planted a tree in my honor in her backyard, and sent me a couple of leaves for a keepsake.

But this picture, when I received it, immediately had tremendous impact and meaning for this phase of my life.

As in the picture, I cannot see clearly or far ahead; all appears to me to be foggy or misty.

As in the picture, the water below is calm; although I feel my life is turbulent.

As in the picture, I am the first boat, but my sails are down. I cannot go where I am used to going. I have small boats attached, so others can visit me; but I remain stationary on this water (turbulent to me, calm in actuality).

As in the picture, there is a second boat. It is not me, it is Another; it is God's Promise. No matter what the circumstance, I will only be given what I can handle and God will shoulder the rest; for I AM NEVER ALONE. God remains there, by my side, as I glide slowly through these waters from this life to the next.

Another friend asked me about this picture, again today. I don't have as much breath now, as I did a few weeks ago when I received this picture. Trying to again explain the meaning of the picture was a very emotional experience, which I could not get through without tears.

May I continue to use this picture for inspiration, and remembrance of God's Promise during this passage. I AM NEVER ALONE.

BRENT

Thursday, October 25, 2007

A Poem About LIFE

This poem was shared with me by a dear friend. It was written by Edith-Marie Appleton (1919-1991), and published in "Miss Edie's Poems" (2000).

"LIFE ?"

I can't understand Life,
It's big, and yet it's small,
Sometimes I think I know it,
But I really don't know at all.
I can't even comprehend,
What is good or bad,
And things that make me happy,
Have also made me sad.
I can't express my feelings,
When I see the sky above,
It always makes me wonder,
And makes me want to love.
I wonder if I'll ever,
In my lifetime comprehend,
This mystery that awes me,
And seems to have no end.
Perhaps when I have left,
This world of sin and strife,
Then and only then,
Shall I understand ... LIFE !

Saturday, October 20, 2007

Quilting for Remembrance


Dear FRIENDS,
A few weeks ago, Usha and I were at Mayo Clinic for the second round of my experimental drug trial. We stopped by a small quilting shop next to our hotel. This is a nice little shop, a converted turn of the century house with many nooks and crannies showing unique quilting patterns and supplies. That day, I was having a premonition about my early passing; and talked to Usha about making two quilts, once for each of our boys, as a remembrance of their father. In that quilting shop, there were many patterns based on themes of Northern Minnesota wilderness. These patterns reminded us of many happy days spent boating, fishing and camping at Bowstring Lake and along the Boundary Waters Canoe Area. So we picked out two complicated patterns, one for each son (the pattern pictured on top is for Benjamin, and the pattern pictured on bottom for Brian), and with the idea of finishing them with my remembrance statement and date on the back. However, so far, we have not been able to make any progress on these gifts.

Many friends from our church, First Menonnite Church of Champaign-Urbana (FMC) have offered to help our family in one form or another, but have not been sure exactly what to offer. We have a number of church members at FMC who are skilled in quilting, and a woman's prayer group meets at our house each Thursday evening. This could be the type of project which would be of a great help to Usha and a gift to our family during the coming weeks.

Sincerely,
BRENT

Monday, October 15, 2007

My Faith, My Family ... My Childhood, My Shroud


My Faith, My Family, My Childhood, My Shroud ..... From life's early years to its ending. All are represented through this picture.

My Faith: The Bible as God's Word and Promise, represents my Christian faith.

My Family: My wedding ring represents my strong marriage, and the stuffed snoopy dog which my children embraced while growing up.

My Childhood: The same snoopy dog, which I got on Christmas Day at 10 years of age, and has been passed to my children over time. It will again be passed to my grandchildren through my youngest son.

My Shroud: The large brown cotton shawl which I received as a gift from a group of grateful wheat farmers in India, for my role as Research Director in providing them with a much improved variety of wheat (named "PRATHAM"). This large shawl has been my favorite wrap for those cold winter nights in India. It is so comfortable, that I always told my wife to wrap it around me when I die, for burial. This was always said in a joking manner; but now it has become reality. I will be wrapped in this shawl, as a death shroud, and then cremated. My ashes will be sprinkled in various places the world over; significant places which my wife and I have lived or visited. My wife and children will do this, out of respect and to bring a form of closure to my life on earth ... for everyone.

Much Love to You All,
BRENT

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

THE MEANING OF IT ALL

Dear Friends,

Since I was diagnosed with spread of my cancer in a form which is incurable, a number of positive things have happened in my life ....

I have felt a strong awakening of my God-given Spirit, which has provided great insight and guidance during this difficult time. I feel as though many years of spiritual growth and maturity have been gifted to me, over just a few months. I wonder what levels of enlightenment could have been achieved if I had just been more open to spiritual growth over my entire life. In a strange way, God may have allowed this disease to take my physical being, but in the process saved my spiritual being for eternity.

Many people have written to me saying how my Blog entries have really changed their perspective on life, increased or renewed their belief in God, or simply awakened an interest in a Higher Being. I honestly did not anticipate such powerful reactions. I originally just intended to share my experiences with friends and family, who are very concerned and want to walk this path with me. This Blog has taken on a life of it's own and is being read and shared among people the world over, many of whom I have never personally met. As I look back on this process, I now understand that these Blog entries are inspired by that Higher Being. Many times I sit with my laptop and just start typing; ideas, words and sentences just seemingly coming from my fingertips - as if I were channeling messages with spiritual inspiration. I really can't credit my own mind for many of these entries. Now I understand that sharing of my experiences, writing down these inspirations, is having a positive effect on other people's lives. I sincerely hope that these writings will continue to help others strengthen their faith in God.

My children have been faced with death of their parent, but are going through this process from the standpoint of walking with God. Through our discussions, and the examples set by adults in their lives, my children are gaining insight into the meaning of faith and the promise of life after death. I can also see my children gaining maturity in their own faith. Deep discussions and questions surrounding God are commonly asked by my children now, which gives more opportunity for us to share together. I am beginning to understand that my passing will ultimately increase my children's interest in spiritual living, and their faith in God. I could not ask for a better legacy than this.

Perhaps there is purpose in my disease; a meaning behind my early demise. If these things I have just described are the true reason for my suffering and death, and this is God's will, then I have to agree that it is worthwhile. My illness has ultimately helped improve other people's lives, given my children strength in their understanding and faith in God, and saved my spiritual life for eternity. This is sometimes the way God works; although we are unable to understand at the time, and it doesn't fit our concept of "fairness".

I am not sure if I will be writing any further entries; it will depend on physical and mental ability, as well as inspiration. Therefore, I am writing as if this is my last entry. My wife and father have promised to finish this blog once I am gone and have it published as a booklet, in order to share with those who have interest. I am sure this will be passed down from my children to grandchildren. Among other remembrances of my life, this will also be a meaningful legacy.

I wish to thank Woodstock School, Mussoorie - India, for the inspiring pictures used in these last two blog entries. This is the school my oldest son attended for his junior and senior years of high school. It is located in the foothills of the Himalaya Mountains, amidst much natural beauty. These pictures are part of many they have posted on their web site.

With
Much Love to All,

BRENT

Monday, October 8, 2007

Spiritual Awakening


Dear Friends,

I thought it best to write more entries soon, and not wait too much longer. From yesterday, my lungs have started to lose function at a much faster rate. Even though I take breath, it doesn't feel that I am getting enough oxygen into my system. I am no longer able to breath effectively without oxygen support and medicine. The tightness in my chest is pronounced. So my time is indeed running out. To be honest, I don't feel that any person in this position can really completely accept what is happening. We can talk about it, conceptualize it, but when the disease actually progresses then there is always a level of regret and sadness. This is the case with myself also. Each new phase in the disease progression is marked by tears, which need to be shed to get out the emotions and gain courage to continue with the journey. I am so thankful for my wife, who walks me through this process with her strength and courage.

But regardless of my human weaknesses, there has been another significant experience which has been wonderful for me during this time. I can only describe it as a spiritual awakening. As my body has decreased, my Spirit has risen and given me insight, inspiration and comfort in many ways. I can only attribute this to what the Bible calls the Holy Spirit; which is promised and sent by Jesus Christ to guide our lives and give us the means to draw closer to Him. The first time I felt this Spirit, I was very young (around 10 years old). I remember how my awareness of this Spirit brought great joy and meaning. As we go on with our lives, we tend to get busy with our daily troubles and often do not take time to seek guidance or work on our spiritual growth. But when facing challenges, or life threatening disease, we begin to again frantically search out that Spirit within; pushing aside the clutter of our lives to find It alive and well.

I can attest that this Spirit is indeed still within me, patiently waiting to be allowed to again take control. I have felt a strong spiritual awareness growing since my disease progression, and a certain knowledge of the presence of God in my life. This Spirit speaks to me without actually hearing a voice; rather just placing in my mind a sudden awareness which gives guidance, particularly to overcome my fears and doubt. This Spirit is the reason I started this Blog. I can only describe it as a strong calling that I just knew had to be done, even though I had never before shared such thoughts with others. This instruction from my Spirit was very clear to me at the time, and has given me insight for what to write down. This Spirit leads me to share with others, despite the limitation of my illness. This Spirit is joyful, even child-like in a good way. It gives me assurance of what will come after my death.

I only wish that I have taken more time over these many years to nurture growth of the Spirit in my life, and not to wait until a crisis to call upon God for help and renewal of His Spirit in me. This is certainly a lesson. Trying to lead a spiritual life is something which most of us don't take seriously enough; but I have respect for those who do seek daily spiritual growth in their lives and try to draw closer to God. I believe that God is constantly seeking us; and that what God desires is for us to sincerely seek Him also, even when that seems to be very difficult and far away. To persevere in the search for God is an ultimate act of faith.

My challenge now is to continue to allow this Spirit to lead me, even in suffering. What is to come for me over the next few weeks will be very difficult, frightening and perhaps painful. I need strength and courage beyond what I have now. I need to allow God to guide me through His Spirit, and bring comfort in the knowledge that I am never alone. At some point my Spirit will pass through the window of death and into the sunshine of the next life. No more pain, no more disease, no more sorrow; only peace, joy and unconditional love. Please pray for myself and my family as we go through this time over the coming weeks.

Peace to All,
BRENT

Thursday, October 4, 2007

Some Better Days

Dear Friends,

Many prayers have been answered. These past few days have been better than last week. I have felt a normalcy in a number of ways; better appetite, right lung function has come back to match my left, and a bit more energy. I have been able to get around better, and go for a few outings with friends and family.

I have also started having regular discussions with my sons; just our private time, a bit everyday. My oldest son comes home from college just for this, and really helps in discussing things (my youngest son can only listen and absorb what is being said). Sometimes we talk about my condition, my faith in the future, inspirational Bible verses, or just remembering old times in a light hearted manner. It doesn't really matter what we say; it is about taking time to be together. I feel that I am slowly moving toward peace, and God is speaking to me in a gentle way.

God is certainly showing His mercy to my family and myself, by giving us this time together.

Peace to All.
BRENT

Psalm 28:6-7
"Praise be to the Lord, for He has heard my cry for mercy. The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in Him and I am helped."

Monday, October 1, 2007

My Unfinished Business



Dear Lord,

Please have mercy on my family, friends and myself. Thank you for answering prayers, in so many small ways. Your grace is indeed given to me. I am sorry for not always using my eyes, ears, or heart to recognize your presence and gifts.

Thank you for sending such a wonderful nurse to help us through the process of my passing to the next life. She has perceived my emotional need, and spoken to me in truth of what I must now face. I have not been of sound mind since the days of drug overdose. I have not been able to settle down emotionally since my lungs have begun to lose function. I have not felt Your Spirit surround me, like before. Yet I have Unfinished Business ... I know what it is, but I have tried to ignore this and push it back in time. Now I can feel time coming short; my breath shortens; my life shortens; there is no more time to ignore. This issue must be settled before it is too late, so my mind and heart can come to peace.

Dear Lord, my Unfinished Business is too heartbreaking for me to face alone. I cannot do this without Your guidance, Your strength, Your inspiration. I have not wanted to face this, so I have not sought Your help. Now I come to You with desperation and urgency; just as so often in the past I have ignored You until feeling vulnerable, only then to come running back to You as a child to a parent. Thank you, Lord, for the guidance from those who love me, who know and advise that I need to again drink deeply from Your Word for inspiration, and to allow You to carry this burden for me.

Dear Lord, You know my heart. You know my Unfinished Business is with my children. I am not ready to let go of this life, because I am not ready to let go of my children. How can I be asked to do this ? They are part of me; I am part of them. My boys are the light in my eye, a precious part of my life. So much effort has been put into raising them, teaching them, loving them. I cannot imagine being without them, and they without me. But now ... there is going to be no choice.

Dear Lord, You know my wife and I have been together through this entire illness. We have decided together all things; we have decided together to stop treating the disease. She has given me permission to leave her, and come home to You. But not so my children. They have not made these decisions; they do not understand the full implications of our separation.

But Lord, I know I need permission from my children to leave; I cannot achieve peace in my heart and mind until this is granted from them. And in a very real way they also need to hear from me, permission to go on with their lives when I am gone; to honor my memory, but not to dwell on my absence ... just to enjoy their lives.

Dear Lord, how can I approach them ? How can I place such burden on my youngest son, who is only 14 and not able to fully comprehend ? How can my oldest son be helpful to me, and helpful to my youngest son ? How can I talk about my death, but with gentleness and love ? How can I give them assurance ? How can I help them grow in faith, in the face of such tragedy ? What legacy can I leave to them ?

Dear Lord, please take this burden from myself and my children; carry it for us; give us the inspiration and the words; give us the time to speak well; let us share memories with joy and not feel pain or sadness; guide us in our time together.

Please lead me through this new land, for I have no guide and am overwhelmed by the task. Let me, in silence, hear Your still small voice which speaks to my heart.

AMEN

Friday, September 28, 2007

" This Disease Can NOT Continue To Chase Me After Death "

Yesterday, I met with my church pastor; part of our ongoing dialogue throughout my illness, and support through my passing. We were talking about my difficulty, over the period of cancer treatment, to get any time or space for recovery and activities with my family. I was either too sick from chemotherapy, or cancer-related changes in my body had left me unable to walk or breath effectively, or the cancer had overcome treatments and spread; always just at the wrong time. All plans for family trips came and went, unfulfilled. No attending my son's high school graduation at Woodstock School, India; No visit to New Zealand for the ISF conference; No final fishing trip to Minnesota with my father and sons; And there will be no 20th wedding anniversary for my wife and I, this coming New Year's Eve.

This cancer has been a brutal taskmaster; rapid, aggressive, relentless, unforgiving, no remission, no mercy. At every juncture of this struggle, over the past 15 months, whatever worst could be imagined was delivered by this disease. As a former runner, I would use this analogy: this disease has chased me without stop for over 15 months as I have struggled to keep one step ahead of the pace. Finally, as I approach the finish line of my life, it occurs to me that I am indeed the ultimate winner in this race; because this disease can NOT chase me after the point of death. It can NOT infect my Spirit; and my Spirit will continue live on ... in peace, love, joy, and at rest with the Almighty.

I expressed this insight to my pastor. I greatly respect his intellect and wisdom, and he affirmed the power of that thought. I need to keep my focus on this thought, and its truth, as I face the hardest challenge of my life over the next few weeks; the process of dying from cancer. May this thought help bring me peace and comfort, as well as wonderful expectations beyond the end of my physical existence in this world ....
" This Disease Can NOT Continue to Chase Me After Death "

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Short Update


Dear Friends,

I have not been able to write for over one week. I have been suffering from very severe reactions to overdose of pain killers. This built up slowly at first, but then seemed to accelerate one week ago to the point where I was not very coherent for a few days. I won't go into all the side effects, except to say that they caused me to miss one week of time for doing things with my family. I have now stopped taking any pain killers, only to find out that I really don't have much pain in my leg anyway ... what irony (although the leg pain was severe when these drugs were started). It has only been yesterday, when I finally was able to eat a real meal again.

I then attempted a short walk with my wife last evening. After this, pain built up in my right chest which has not gone away. I find it so hard to breath now, when I try to sit or stand. My hospice nurse today confirmed that air is no longer passing normally through my right lung. She has recommend how to manage this new situation; and perhaps find a way to loosen this up for whatever time can be done. I am using supplemental oxygen now, almost continuously. But again, this will prevent activities with my family.

I feel so cheated in losing that week to drug effects. I always thought that perhaps a couple of good weeks would be left to spend with my family in activities. Now one week has been taken away and the disease progression may leave me bedridden soon enough.

I must admit that sometimes this seems so unfair. The recurrence of cancer in my leg prevented so much from being done while my lungs were still usable. The drug overdose took away even the few remaining days of good lung function. When I think of all the memorable activities we could have done together as a family during those precious days, it brings tears.

I remain faithful to the Lord, and have faith in my future with Him. I just wish I understood the purpose of leaving life in this manner ... the larger meaning. But perhaps ours is not to know in this life; our challenge is to be faithful and trust that all will be well in its own time.

As I write this, I don't know what the next days or week will bring. It could be that the progression of my lung tumors will prevent me from writing much in the future; and that my life will now be measured in only a few short weeks.
I would like to end this post with a few simple prayer requests:
-- Prayer for my family; that they may be accepting of this situation and find some larger meaning in my death; that my memory and spirit will continue to live through them.
-- Prayer for physical, mental and spiritual comfort in these final days.
-- Prayer that my passing into the next life will be peaceful for all involved.

This post includes a picture of me, taken by my father before my illness (I'm the one without the tail). This is what I used to look like, and how I wish to be remembered.

With Love,
BRENT

Monday, September 17, 2007

Thoughts on Life, and Death .... with Henri J.M. Nouwen

From the writings of Henri J.M. Nouwen, compiled by Wendy Wilson Greer in:
"The Only Necessary Thing; Living a Prayerful Life"


That God Loves Me is the Basic Truth of Who I Am ....

Try to enter this enormous mystery, namely that you, like Jesus, are the beloved daughter or beloved son of God. This is the truth.

You were the beloved before your father, mother, brother, sister, or church loved you or hurt you. You are the beloved because you belong to God from all eternity. God loved you before you were born, and God will love you after you die.

In Scripture, God says, "I have loved you with an everlasting love." This is a very fundamental truth of your identity. This is who you are, whether you feel it or not. You belong to God from eternity to eternity.

Life is just a little opportunity for you during a few years to say, "I love you too."


Facing Death, With Life and Love ....

Somewhere, deep in me, I sensed that my life was in real danger. And so I let myself enter into a place I had never been before: the portal of death. I wanted to now that place, to "walk around" it, and make myself ready for a life beyond life. It was the first time in my life that I consciously walked into this seemingly fearful place, the first time I looked forward to what might be a new way of being. I tried to let go of my familiar world. I tried not to look back, but ahead. I kept looking at the door that might open to me and show me something beyond anything I had ever seen.

I knew very concretely that He was there for me, but also that He was embracing the universe. I knew that, indeed, He was the Jesus I had prayed to and spoken about, but also that now He did not ask for prayers or words. All was well. The words that summarize it all, are "LIFE" and "LOVE".... Death lost its power and shrank away in the Life and Love that surrounded me in such an intimate way, as if I were walking through a sea moving toward the other shore. All jealousies, resentments, and angers were being gently moved away, and I was being shown that Life and Love are greater, deeper, and stronger than any of the forces I had been worrying about.

One emotion was very strong; that of homecoming. Jesus opened His home to me and seemed to say, "Here is where you belong" .... The risen Jesus, who now dwells with His Father, was welcoming me home after a long journey .... As I felt life weakening in me, I felt a deep desire to forgive and to be forgiven, to let go of all evaluations and opinions, to be free from the burden of judgments.


Trusting in the Catcher ....


When trapeze artists perform in the circus, there is a flyer and catcher. The flyer must simply stretch out his arms and hands, and wait for the catcher to pull him to safety. If the flyer tries to also do the catching, he will fall. The flyer must do nothing.

Jesus said, "Father, into your hands I commend my Spirit". Dying is trusting in the catcher. Do not be afraid. Remember that you are the beloved child of God.

He will be there when you make your long jump. Don't try to grab Him; He will grab you. Just stretch out your arms and hands; and Trust, Trust, Trust.

Prayer .... Native American Chant

Navajo Benedictory Chant ....

Now, talking God.

I walk with your limbs,
Your legs carry forth my body,
Your mind thinks for me,
Your voice speaks through my lips.

Beauty behind me,
Above and blow me,
Hovers the beautiful.
I am surrounded by it,
I am immerse in it.

In my youth, I am aware of it,
In my old age, I shall walk quietly the beautiful trail.

In beauty, it is begun.
In beauty, it is ended.

Sunday, September 16, 2007

Dear Mel .... I Accept

Dear Mel, I Accept .... You offer, so eloquently, to help care for my sons when I am gone; I Accept. You offer to put your hands on their shoulders, to remind them how much their father loves them and his spirit dwells within them still; I Accept. You offer to include them in your activities, to keep them growing in mind, body and spirit; I Accept.

Dear Cindy .... You offer to watch for my youngest son as his Sunday teacher; I Accept. I know you will care for my boys' spiritual growth, help guide them to Christ and baptism. I pray every day for my boys' relationship with Christ. For all you offer and will try to do; I Accept.

Dear Trish and Dan .... You offer to encourage my youngest son as he participates in MYF church group; to help him be a part of this wonderful group of high schoolers; to make friends, have fun and live life; I Accept.

Dear Deb .... You offer to guide my son to develop his skill in piano, to nurture his love for music and this instrument, to patiently and gently take him to the height his talent will allow; I Accept.

Dear Terry, Randy, Rhonda .... You offer to be faithful uncles and aunt, to include them with love into your families; I Accept.

Dear Curt and Scot .... You offer to find time and take my sons on outdoor activities which their father always meant to do, but somehow never found the time; I Accept.

To My Family in India .... You offer limitless love, care, and support in such a wonderful way that it goes without speaking; I Accept.

To ALL .... who offer to care for my sons in whatever manner you can; I Accept.

I Accept, with a grateful heart

I Accept, with loving memories
I Accept, with tears in my eyes

Thursday, September 13, 2007

A Poem by Emily, to Brighten My Days

This is a poem, written by my 8 year old niece, Emily. It is about her mischievous younger brother, Jonathan. She wrote this to help brighten my days, and lighten my load.

"Jonathan With A Hose"

by Emily Rose Gibson

You try to spray me
That won't work, don't you see ?
I've got protection here
In the form of rain gear.
An umbrella in a reddish hue
It's nice and sturdy too,
You say you'll spray the flowers
But you mean to give me showers.
You try to make me drip
I open my protection quick !
My message should be clear
TURN OFF THE HOSE, DEAR !

A Time to Discontinue Treatments

Dear Friends,

This morning we visited with my doctor to review my immune system profile, and discuss treatment options. It appears that my immune system has decreased to such a point that I am unable to take the next prescribed dose of chemo treatment (which was to be today). If we attempt the prescribed dose on time, then I would likely end up in the hospital for a long period with symptoms similar to acute leukemia. This would also prevent my entry into the Hospice program, and we all agree this type of support is needed now.

I took an immune booster shot today, and will review my blood profile again on Monday. But the truth is that I must be able to take this full-strength chemo as prescribed on time in order to have any chance at the desired palliative effect (intended to slow the cancer temporally). So I will not likely be able to take future rounds of this chemo on time either.

In essence, my body cannot tolerate this chemo; and thus I will not be able to use it to extend my life. If I keep making attempts in this direction, then the last few weeks of my life will be in the hospital. If I discontinue chemo treatments, then my life span may be similar, but these last few weeks will be spent at home under care of a Hospice nurse with better pain and infection management. I will also be among my family at home, and be able to spend some quality time with them on the good days.

The choice is obvious. No doctor has told me my time span, and I have not asked the question. Based on my body, and how changes are occurring, I feel that it may not go beyond the first half of October. But I know that when the time comes, I will be surrounded by love, support, and be made as physically comfortable as possible.

I will try to keep writing entries as inspiration comes, in these last few weeks. I have promise from my father and wife, to convert this blog into a small booklet when I am gone, so it can further be shared with those in need.

God Bless You All.
With Love,
Brent

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

A prayer for Mel, my friend

Mel is my friend. Mel is a member of my church, who I have known growing up and who I have always looked up to with admiration and respect. Mel is an inspiration, having overcome a severe handicap to lead a productive life, become a wonderful husband and father, and just be a joy for others to be around. Mel has taught us all many lessons.

When I was first diagnosed with cancer metastasis of the lungs, Mel approached me at church with a challenge. Would I write a blog about God's intent for my illness; whether God is somehow punishing me ? or whether God is somehow showing his love for me in ways we cannot understand ? Is our Lord a God of judgment on this earth ?, or is He of love only, in spite of our circumstances ? I was not expecting to hear Mel ask me these questions, and shocked to learn that Mel has been struggling with these concepts in his faith for some time. But I understand that Mel's background could lead to these types of conflicts. I also know that when my time of dying approaches, I owe it to Mel to try and write what I feel; to try and address his question. My strength is beginning to fail me rapidly now; I cannot wait any longer to write my feelings to Mel. Again, I will try to put these down in the form of a simple Prayer.

DEAR LORD,

Help me to know how best to respond to Mel. Help me to put into words those feelings of faith and hope that are coming from You through Your Spirit in me.

Dear Lord, I have never been a great theologian, or someone who can memorize and quote verses from the Bible at a moment notice. Rather, Lord, the faith I have found in You has been simple in nature. But is not simplicity the essence of faith itself ? From the first moment when I prayed a simple prayer for You to enter my heart, I felt such joy from that moment onward in my life. Such joy could only come from Your love, not from any fear of punishment. You are my Father, who loves unconditionally, accepts our faults unconditionally, and who only wants us to return to His arms. I don't have references or study guides to show as evidence; only what has been building in my heart over so many years.

Dear Lord, the very essence of Christ must be Love. You sent Your Son for this purpose only; for the ultimate expression of Love. So why should we doubt Your Love ? Lord, two verses do come to my mind:

"For God so Loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal live. For God did not sent His Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through Him."

"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself."

Dear Lord, please help my friend Mel to come back to the Truth, back to the Light, and to know that You are Love.

AMEN

Saturday, September 8, 2007

Prayer for Wisdom, Understanding

Dear Lord,

Please have mercy on my family and myself. At this time I need so much wisdom and understanding of how to settle down in this phase of my illness. I just do not feel that I can do this alone. I have so much love and support from my family, but still need Your direction. Please show me signs of how to handle the increasing pain, the emotion of my body degenerating, this risk of letting my mind drift away from keeping spiritual strength which is Your gift to all of us.

Dear Lord, I see my leg muscles turning hard day by day; I feel the pain as my ligaments are pushed away and the cancer passes through my knee into my lower leg. I know that even if I am granted relief for some time in my lungs, the only operation which would be possible to remove my leg cancer will be amputation. Lord, help me to understand why. When I had the original tumor removed from my leg last year, I felt as though given new life. I was thankful and praised my surgeon's skill. But now, as I am forced to daily watch cancer eat away my leg muscles, making me crippled, I feel so .... helpless ..... so ... so .... humiliated. But why do I feel this way ?

Dear Lord, have I been too proud ? Even though I am a quiet person by nature, deep down I still have the same pride as others. I had achieved a habit of running distances, which started later in my life. I was so proud of my achievement, especially being over 40 years old. I was so proud of the way my body reacted to the original surgery; healing so fast and well. I was convinced that I would return to normal activities. I praised my surgeons, I mentally settled back into my routine life as it was in India; but I still did not open more room for You. Why did I miss the real learning opportunity of this experience ? Why did I get so complacent that overcoming this rare and dangerous cancer would be so easy ?

Dear Lord, I feel as though my body is being pealed apart piece by piece, like layers of an onion. At the center, what will remain ? Only two will be there when my body is gone; my spirit and You. At that time, I want to be in Your arms. Please help me get there, with dignity, faith and comfort. Please help me to stop being emotionally down; but help me to find inspiration in my outward appearance and actions, for the sake of my family and especially my children. Help me to remember this poem:

"WHAT CANCER CANNOT DO"
Cancer is So Limited ....
It cannot cripple love,
It cannot shatter hope,
It cannot corrode faith,
It cannot destroy peace,
It cannot kill friendship,
It cannot suppress memories,
It cannot silence courage,
It cannot steal eternal life,
It cannot conquer the spirit.

Dear Lord, please help my children to come through this process with stronger faith in You. Let them not lose faith in You because of my suffering and their loss. Lord, I try to express my faith in the next life to my children, and make them understand. Help me to be up to this task; help me to be worthy of it. Please grant happy days ahead, regardless of the circumstances.

Dear Lord, help me to keep writing, to keep thinking, to keep praying, regardless of my physical condition. Again, grant me peace; and despite my problems, grant me thoughts and caring for others and to continue prayer for those who suffer and need Your healing touch.

AMEN

Thursday, September 6, 2007

Prayer for Relief, Comfort and Support

Dear Lord,

Please have mercy on my family and myself. I pray for relief from the constant pain in my leg. I do not understand why the muscles have become tumorous, or why my cancer in my lungs has again started to grow aggressively. I only know that despite all of this, I still have trust in You and have faith in You. Trust that Your Word is true, and that You will never give me more than I can bear and never leave me alone.

Dear Lord, the experimental drug study at Mayo Clinic has not helped me, and I am down to one final chemotherapy attempt. As I take this final treatment today at Carle Clinic, I give thanks to the doctors at Mayo who have not abandoned me, but offer this new chemotherapy option to help relieve my condition for whatever time is possible. I give thanks to be able to take this treatment in my home town, and be with my family again. I give thanks for the kindness and professional standing of all the doctors at Mayo Clinic; and for how everyone there had made me feel so much at home, and yes, also feel loved and cared for.

Dear Lord, I know my time on this earth is now short. It could be one more month, or 4 more months, or possibly anything in between. But whatever time I am given, please help me make these weeks, days and hours some of the most significant of my entire life. Please grant me relief from this constant pain in my leg; this tumor which continues to form, grow, and prevent my walking. I wish that it could just be removed by a surgeon, but I also know that this would take too long to heal and would prevent any chance of treating my lungs. I pray that this next chemotherapy can help stop the growth of cancer cells in my body, so that I may have more time with my family. I know that the chances of this are small, but You are great and can do anything. But regardless, help me to accept Your will. Your will be done.

Dear Lord, so many times I have prayed for a better outcome from this disease. Prayers by the hundreds and thousands have been said for healing and relief. But there has been no such healing or relief. Despite this, grant me faith and hope; if not for this life then for the next life to come. Again I pray for guidance during the end of this process; for relief from my pain; for grace, dignity and comfort in the days ahead. Not only for myself, but also for those who love and care for me.

Dear Lord, help me not to be angry with this disease. These cancer cells are not foreign, but are made by my own body; they are of me. If I am angry with this disease, then I am angry with You; and I cannot be angry with You. I only want to feel your guidance and comfort. Help me to only feel Your Love, and focus on this as I pass forward into Your arms.

AMEN

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

A Happy 46th Birthday

Sunday, August 26, 2007, was my 46th birthday. It was a very busy day for our church family; Sunday morning services, annual welcome picnic after noon, and pastoral search discussion in the evening. Despite this schedule, many friends took time to visit our home from 4 to 6 in the afternoon in order to share in my birthday celebration. Like all parties organized by my wife, it was a huge success. So many longtime friends were there; many who had known me since my childhood and were influential in helping to shape the person I am today. Although unspoken, we are all aware that cancer offers no future planning. Every birthday could be the last, so we need to enjoy the moment. So I would like to thank everyone who helped make my 46th birthday very memorable.

BRENT

Tribute to Miles Levin

This blog is a short tribute to Miles Levin. Miles passed away recently. He was a teenage cancer patient who had been in the news over the past few months due to his blog site, which detailed experiences over the two years he suffered from rhabdomyosarcoma. Miles' cell type was very similar to mine, as well as likely prognosis given conventional treatments. Sharing of his experiences through a blog has been a tremendous blessing to many cancer patients and their families; and illustrates the powerful impact of personal connections through the Internet.

Among the many contributions Miles made during his blog is the thought that dying was not his greatest fear, but rather dying without having made a significant impact. His blog was a way to have that significant and positive impact on others. Toward the end, he also stated that perhaps he was put on this Earth to show people with this cancer type how to die with grace. Indeed that he did, and many are grateful for his example. Will I follow Miles' path over the coming months? That only God knows; but his would be a good example to follow, if necessary.

You can read more about Miles, and find a linkage to his blog site using the following article.

http://www.cnn.com/2007/HEALTH/08/20/obit.miles.levin/index.html


Another Update: Treatment, Health & Personal

Dear Friends,

I am sorry for not providing an update over the past weeks. A number of things have happened, but I have not felt very inspired in writing blogs due to various feelings. There is the feeling of waiting again (as always) and some degree of feeling uncertain about the realistic possibility of this treatment improving my health. These uncertainties, or doubts, have made it difficult to know how to proceed, emotionally. On the one hand, there is reason to have hope for a remission period; but on the other hand I do not want to again go through a great disappointment if this treatment stops working. I have already gone through the difficult emotions of cancer twice (my first diagnosis, and the my second diagnosis of spread), and feel the need to prepare emotionally for what may be inevitable. I have talked to my wife about whether to plan now for details of how to handle my passing; but it is hard to know how to balance these types of discussions with the need to continue being hopeful. My father has a habit of never worrying about things he cannot control. If only we could all do the same so easily.

Some of the medical events since my last blog:
-- My father and I made a trip to Mayo Clinic about one week after my surgery, and had the drainage tube removed. The drainage was so little that my body should be able to reabsorb whatever continues after removal of the drain. This is in theory, but my hematoma was chronic and I expect it to continue oozing (sorry for the graphic description).
-- One week after having the tube removed, Usha and I (along with our youngest son, as well as Usha's sister and niece) made the drive to Mayo Clinic for my second treatment. We only had to do a blood test and echo cardiogram (as part of the study requirement). For the most part, things were fine; and I took a second dose of the experimental drug. The only changes in my blood profile were related to kidney function, and it appears that this drug was having some effect on this organ which needs watching as we proceed.
-- I find that one day after my treatments, I get a rush of energy. Then in the days after this, I lose energy and need to ensure alot of sleep and good nutrition. It has now been 5 days since my treatment, and I still have feelings of tiredness. If it is like my last round, this will continue for another week, or so.
-- It has been 3 weeks since my liposuction surgery. I still have considerable pain in the nerves and muscles surrounding the site, which gets worse when I wrap the site too tightly. But there is also a degree of swelling again occurring in the hematoma site; so it is still a learning process to know how to wrap this in order to encourage absorption at the site, but yet not causing undue pain and preventing healing. My pain control drug options are not the best right now (I can only use Tylenol, which doesn't work well for me and doesn't control the muscle inflammation). I have started trying a topical ointment to numb the area so it can relax and heal faster. If anyone has better advice, let me know.

On a more personal side, my sons have now started school here. Brian is attending the Univ. of Illinois, and has moved into a dormitory. He is also working part time at the University tennis training center. So far he is very happy being a college student. Ben has just started high school today (9th grade). He is understandably nervous, but hopefully things will sort out over the next week. He is also taking piano lessons on a regular basis from a great instructor (something he could not do in India). Usha is looking at some consulting options to keep busy, and I am considering getting office space at the University to have a place to go when reading and writing. This could provide an outlet for my time, on the days when I am up to getting out of the house.

Peace to Everyone,
BRENT