Saturday, September 8, 2007

Prayer for Wisdom, Understanding

Dear Lord,

Please have mercy on my family and myself. At this time I need so much wisdom and understanding of how to settle down in this phase of my illness. I just do not feel that I can do this alone. I have so much love and support from my family, but still need Your direction. Please show me signs of how to handle the increasing pain, the emotion of my body degenerating, this risk of letting my mind drift away from keeping spiritual strength which is Your gift to all of us.

Dear Lord, I see my leg muscles turning hard day by day; I feel the pain as my ligaments are pushed away and the cancer passes through my knee into my lower leg. I know that even if I am granted relief for some time in my lungs, the only operation which would be possible to remove my leg cancer will be amputation. Lord, help me to understand why. When I had the original tumor removed from my leg last year, I felt as though given new life. I was thankful and praised my surgeon's skill. But now, as I am forced to daily watch cancer eat away my leg muscles, making me crippled, I feel so .... helpless ..... so ... so .... humiliated. But why do I feel this way ?

Dear Lord, have I been too proud ? Even though I am a quiet person by nature, deep down I still have the same pride as others. I had achieved a habit of running distances, which started later in my life. I was so proud of my achievement, especially being over 40 years old. I was so proud of the way my body reacted to the original surgery; healing so fast and well. I was convinced that I would return to normal activities. I praised my surgeons, I mentally settled back into my routine life as it was in India; but I still did not open more room for You. Why did I miss the real learning opportunity of this experience ? Why did I get so complacent that overcoming this rare and dangerous cancer would be so easy ?

Dear Lord, I feel as though my body is being pealed apart piece by piece, like layers of an onion. At the center, what will remain ? Only two will be there when my body is gone; my spirit and You. At that time, I want to be in Your arms. Please help me get there, with dignity, faith and comfort. Please help me to stop being emotionally down; but help me to find inspiration in my outward appearance and actions, for the sake of my family and especially my children. Help me to remember this poem:

"WHAT CANCER CANNOT DO"
Cancer is So Limited ....
It cannot cripple love,
It cannot shatter hope,
It cannot corrode faith,
It cannot destroy peace,
It cannot kill friendship,
It cannot suppress memories,
It cannot silence courage,
It cannot steal eternal life,
It cannot conquer the spirit.

Dear Lord, please help my children to come through this process with stronger faith in You. Let them not lose faith in You because of my suffering and their loss. Lord, I try to express my faith in the next life to my children, and make them understand. Help me to be up to this task; help me to be worthy of it. Please grant happy days ahead, regardless of the circumstances.

Dear Lord, help me to keep writing, to keep thinking, to keep praying, regardless of my physical condition. Again, grant me peace; and despite my problems, grant me thoughts and caring for others and to continue prayer for those who suffer and need Your healing touch.

AMEN

5 comments:

Moyer said...

Brent,
While I can't imagine what going through this is like for you, I admire your strength, honesty and faith in facing this. Sharing your approach to this journey, your thoughts, and your prayers with us is a gift. You and your family remain in our thoughts and prayers.
Rebecca Moyer

Unknown said...

Dear Brent,

I have no more words to describe after reading recent writings and talking with you but your unshaken faith in God. It is very difficult time for you and your families as you have been going through a very difficult time with your health. We know the nature of the disease and its cause but pray to the God to alleviate the pain and live longer.

We are all with you and your family at this very difficult time.
I pray to the God to fulfill all your request.

With Prayers,
Kasi

Ashwin A.Sovani said...

Dr. Brent Sir,

We have faith in God. We Sovani Family pray God to give you and your family more courage to face the present circumstances.

WE have no other words to express but praying for you.

Ashwin A. Sovani and Family

Ashwin A.Sovani said...

Sir,

We are praying to God to give you and your family courage to face the present situation.

Ashwin Sovani & Family.
Mahyco , Jalna

Sandeep Agrawal said...

hello,
i can't express my feelings after reading your blog
i recollect the lines of
The Mother......
Surrender is the decision taken over the responsibility of your life to the Divine.

a divine force shall flow through tissue and cell And take charge of breath and speech and act....
Sri Aurobindo...

the hopes of today are the realisations of tomorrow.
The Mother

Pain is the key that opens the gates of strength; it is the high-road that leads to the city of beautitude.
Sri Aurobindo

Think of the Divine alone and the divine will be with you.
The Mother.