Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Short Update


Dear Friends,

I have not been able to write for over one week. I have been suffering from very severe reactions to overdose of pain killers. This built up slowly at first, but then seemed to accelerate one week ago to the point where I was not very coherent for a few days. I won't go into all the side effects, except to say that they caused me to miss one week of time for doing things with my family. I have now stopped taking any pain killers, only to find out that I really don't have much pain in my leg anyway ... what irony (although the leg pain was severe when these drugs were started). It has only been yesterday, when I finally was able to eat a real meal again.

I then attempted a short walk with my wife last evening. After this, pain built up in my right chest which has not gone away. I find it so hard to breath now, when I try to sit or stand. My hospice nurse today confirmed that air is no longer passing normally through my right lung. She has recommend how to manage this new situation; and perhaps find a way to loosen this up for whatever time can be done. I am using supplemental oxygen now, almost continuously. But again, this will prevent activities with my family.

I feel so cheated in losing that week to drug effects. I always thought that perhaps a couple of good weeks would be left to spend with my family in activities. Now one week has been taken away and the disease progression may leave me bedridden soon enough.

I must admit that sometimes this seems so unfair. The recurrence of cancer in my leg prevented so much from being done while my lungs were still usable. The drug overdose took away even the few remaining days of good lung function. When I think of all the memorable activities we could have done together as a family during those precious days, it brings tears.

I remain faithful to the Lord, and have faith in my future with Him. I just wish I understood the purpose of leaving life in this manner ... the larger meaning. But perhaps ours is not to know in this life; our challenge is to be faithful and trust that all will be well in its own time.

As I write this, I don't know what the next days or week will bring. It could be that the progression of my lung tumors will prevent me from writing much in the future; and that my life will now be measured in only a few short weeks.
I would like to end this post with a few simple prayer requests:
-- Prayer for my family; that they may be accepting of this situation and find some larger meaning in my death; that my memory and spirit will continue to live through them.
-- Prayer for physical, mental and spiritual comfort in these final days.
-- Prayer that my passing into the next life will be peaceful for all involved.

This post includes a picture of me, taken by my father before my illness (I'm the one without the tail). This is what I used to look like, and how I wish to be remembered.

With Love,
BRENT

16 comments:

Unknown said...

Dear Brent,

I have not had an opportunity to visit or talk to you in quite a few years since you moved to India, as Pam and I live in Iowa. I was always impressed by you, your parents, and your brothers and sister as strong Christians and friendly people who were always available to help others. Your testimony in this blog continues that tradition as you maintain your testimony and faith in Christ, despite being in such difficult and seemingly unfair circumstances. It is also encouraging that you obviously have such love for your wife and children and want to ensure that they have a good future and good remembrances.

I don't believe we will have an opportunity to see each other again in person, but I will miss the opportunity to talk about plant breeding and running a seed company. We recently had a joy in our family, as our son Matthew is to be married to Samantha Mather on November 11, 2007.

Pam and I extend our prayers for comfort for you and your family and that God would bless your family in ways only he can.

Bob and Pam Miller

Shridhar said...

Sir,

I have been following up on your health, and I must say, you are a very brave person,
In such cases one is his own God, and I pray for you to have peace of mind and Body.
The lord has indeed been quite unfair and the proverbal silver lining in this cloud is not to be seen.
Our heart felt prayers for the family also as they are with you in these trying times.

You had mentioned that you do not like to be called Sir, but my respect for you does not allow me to address you by your name, please accept my apology for the same.
There is no end to Hope, and we all deep incide hope for a miracle and miracles do happen.
I also wish to add that your sence of humour is intact and that helps a lot.

With all goodwishes and regards to you and the whole family.

god bless..

Shridhar Dhanagare and
Mahyco Vegetable SBU Maharashtra team.

Bob Hudson said...

Dear Brent:

So much about your situation IS unfair because you didn't deserve it. I'm not sure I would believe any attempt to answer "why" this happened in the sense that it serves a higher purpose. Even knowing exactly "how" it happened - the chain of molecular events that caused your cancer to form and grow - wouldn't change the fact that it got you and has deprived you and your family of your normal lifespan.

What your family and community will remember, I think, is that in the midst of this tragic situation, you have been able to draw upon your spiritual resources to give of yourself even when you are deprived of your fair share. I think that many who know you are moved by this powerful witness to the presence of God's spirit in your life. And what other way to live is there really? Can we really make any more "meaning" of life than to let it be a means of honoring the Creator by giving all that we can?

Martha Moore said...

Brent,
I just love the picture of you with the dogs. As a dog lover, this will be a wonderful scene to add to my memory book of you, Brent.


Sure hope today is a good one for you. I know you treasure each moment you get to spend with family and friends. It is wonderful to have that awareness. Too bad we have to be in difficult situations to have this gift of moment by moment appreciation of life.

Love to you.

Martha Moore

Allison Brown said...

Dear Brent, You don't know me. I work with Roger Beachy and I wanted to let you know how much I admire your bravery and your spiritual strength. My thoughts and prayers are with you; your inspiration has and will change lives. In the next weeks and months, I hope you can feel an angel's arms around you, hugging you and easing the pain for you.
Allison Brown

christo said...

dear brent
everyday atleast three to four times i hope to hear from you and visit the blog page.i do understand that despite severe pain and discomfort you have managed this short update. as a medico i understand the situation but as a friend and a beleiver i still refuse to accept it. i will always continue to pray in my own way for a miracle as this is the same God who performed miracles also just as He gave us His peace.how i still wish that we had more time to spend together while we were in jalna and share more ideas in life! but i do feel privilaged that i have a strong beleiver in you as a good friend.your faith has inspired me to come back to God (this is something I have not confessed to anyone yet but feel to say it now)
with love best wishes and prayers for you,usha,brian,ben and family
christo

christo said...

just an afterthought
we have tried fentanyl patch in jalna for severe pain which is just put on skin and one doesnot have to swallow pills or take injections.i know your system is far more developed than here but then just a suggestion which i felt should be brought to your nurse's notice.
sorry for the liberty i took with this matter
love and prayers
christo

Unknown said...

Dear Brent,

How can we all thank you for being so thoughtful, kind, inspirational and wants to spend & share each minutes of your life with your family and friends despite all your struggle with your cancer. Although we love to know your health conditions everyday, please don't worry for not able to write to us regularly. We are thankful for your thoughts.

Hope and pray to the God that he alleviate the pain and keeps in good health for longer as you can spend more time with your family especially with your children and Usha.

With love and prayer,
Kasi

Unknown said...

Dear Brent, I do not know you personally although I am now at Woodstock School and was touched by your message which Dan Koop Liechty shared with staff. But your message so eloquently reminded me of the experience I went through with my husband, Gordon, when he was preparing to die four years ago from prostrate cancer which spread throughout his own body.

We too cherished those last weeks and days, knowing that they would soon end and we as a family would no longer be together. Like you, he lived for each day that he was here, even going through an incredibly difficult surgery so that he could have one more summer with us on Whidbey Island which he did.

It is impossible to understand why these things happen....it is only to accept and to live each day surrounding yourself with the love of your family and giving them your love in return. That is what will stay with them and carry them through the dark days ahead for them....My prayer for you is that the passage will be smooth and as painless as possible and that you will be surrounded by love.
Jane Cummings
Director of Development
Woodstock School

jyothe rao said...

Dear Brent
You are Great!
I mean it.
I had always known Brent as a smart handsome young gentleman who had come all the way from US way back. A man truley devoted to his family. Always looking after the kids when Usha was out of town, a very concerned man not just for his family but to everyone he meets. Who is keely involved in all issues of concern around him.
I still remember the wonderful time spent with you n your family during Christmas, New Year, Halloween... in Jalna.
Knowing of your illness has been a shock for all of us at home. But we always hope that one days again you will be back with us even after reading your mails I still hope this wish of ours come true.
Often I ask God "Why Brent?"
I tell Him "We need him here with us, we need people like him more in this world."

He has not answered me yet.
But I understand that "Life is not measured by years but by moments"
and truely you have lived every moment of yours to the brim. Thats why I say You are Great, You are the Winner in this battle. We need to learn this from you. This blog is truly an inspiration to all of us to learn from you. To be with you in every moment you have been away from us.

Myself and Prasad wish you the best of moments ahead of your life.

All the Best! We pray to God "May you never lose this battle, and come out as a winner."

Love
Jyothe Rao

Rex Bernardo said...

Dear Brent,

I sadly learned of your illness just today. I am grieved to hear of your suffering, yet I am encouraged by your faith in the Lord Jesus Christ. Chona and I will join the many others who are lifting you and your family up in prayer.

May you continue to take comfort in God's promise that "He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away" (Revelation 21:4). May your Savior and mine bless you and keep you, and may you continue to receive comfort from Him and from Usha and your sons and your family and friends, through whom He shows His rich love and continuing care.

God bless you, Brent.

~Rex

satishD said...

Dear Brent Sir,
The moment in which you are passing is really crucial and painful. And the courage and patience which you are showing is speechless. I am preying to God to alleviate your pain & recover you fast.
Satish G. Deole
(TCL,DWD)

Unknown said...

Dear Sir,

We are really impressed for your strong willpower in such a critical situation, which will help you to recover fastly.

We all know that you had taken a initiative for ERP in Mahyco & today we are successed for SAP implementation.

We all are Pray to God for your good health, and we are sure that God will definately listen our prayers.

we are looking you back in India with good health.

Best love & Wishes to you & your family

-from Parivartan SAP-Team,

Santosh Badjate
Dinkar Pawar
A.Baburao
Rajesh Dube
Vijay Agrawal
Krishna Mokase
Arjun Jagtap
Vishal Sangewar

Unknown said...

Dear Sir,
You are a great inspiration for us.You have strong will power and faith on GOD ALMIGHTY.We are praying to GOD for your good health


Vaishali,Sunil,Smita
TCL DWD

Dan S said...

Brent,

I am so grateful by your presence at First Mennonite these last few months, both physically when you are able and spiritually seeming all the time now. You are ministering to us all on how to face the end of life with courage, grace and humility.

May God bless you and keep you.

Dan Schreiber

Haven said...

Thank you for sharing your faith and experience. It is a gift to my faith me.