Short Update

Dear Friends,

I have not been able to write for over one week. I have been suffering from very severe reactions to overdose of pain killers. This built up slowly at first, but then seemed to accelerate one week ago to the point where I was not very coherent for a few days. I won't go into all the side effects, except to say that they caused me to miss one week of time for doing things with my family. I have now stopped taking any pain killers, only to find out that I really don't have much pain in my leg anyway ... what irony (although the leg pain was severe when these drugs were started). It has only been yesterday, when I finally was able to eat a real meal again.

I then attempted a short walk with my wife last evening. After this, pain built up in my right chest which has not gone away. I find it so hard to breath now, when I try to sit or stand. My hospice nurse today confirmed that air is no longer passing normally through my right lung. She has recommend how to manage this new situation; and perhaps find a way to loosen this up for whatever time can be done. I am using supplemental oxygen now, almost continuously. But again, this will prevent activities with my family.

I feel so cheated in losing that week to drug effects. I always thought that perhaps a couple of good weeks would be left to spend with my family in activities. Now one week has been taken away and the disease progression may leave me bedridden soon enough.

I must admit that sometimes this seems so unfair. The recurrence of cancer in my leg prevented so much from being done while my lungs were still usable. The drug overdose took away even the few remaining days of good lung function. When I think of all the memorable activities we could have done together as a family during those precious days, it brings tears.

I remain faithful to the Lord, and have faith in my future with Him. I just wish I understood the purpose of leaving life in this manner ... the larger meaning. But perhaps ours is not to know in this life; our challenge is to be faithful and trust that all will be well in its own time.

As I write this, I don't know what the next days or week will bring. It could be that the progression of my lung tumors will prevent me from writing much in the future; and that my life will now be measured in only a few short weeks.

I would like to end this post with a few simple prayer requests:

-- Prayer for my family; that they may be accepting of this situation and find some larger meaning in my death; that my memory and spirit will continue to live through them.
-- Prayer for physical, mental and spiritual comfort in these final days.
-- Prayer that my passing into the next life will be peaceful for all involved.

This post includes a picture of me, taken by my father before my illness (I'm the one without the tail). This is what I used to look like, and how I wish to be remembered.

With Love,
BRENT