Mel is my friend. Mel is a member of my church, who I have known growing up and who I have always looked up to with admiration and respect. Mel is an inspiration, having overcome a severe handicap to lead a productive life, become a wonderful husband and father, and just be a joy for others to be around. Mel has taught us all many lessons.
When I was first diagnosed with cancer metastasis of the lungs, Mel approached me at church with a challenge. Would I write a blog about God's intent for my illness; whether God is somehow punishing me ? or whether God is somehow showing his love for me in ways we cannot understand ? Is our Lord a God of judgment on this earth ?, or is He of love only, in spite of our circumstances ? I was not expecting to hear Mel ask me these questions, and shocked to learn that Mel has been struggling with these concepts in his faith for some time. But I understand that Mel's background could lead to these types of conflicts. I also know that when my time of dying approaches, I owe it to Mel to try and write what I feel; to try and address his question. My strength is beginning to fail me rapidly now; I cannot wait any longer to write my feelings to Mel. Again, I will try to put these down in the form of a simple Prayer.
DEAR LORD,
Help me to know how best to respond to Mel. Help me to put into words those feelings of faith and hope that are coming from You through Your Spirit in me.
Dear Lord, I have never been a great theologian, or someone who can memorize and quote verses from the Bible at a moment notice. Rather, Lord, the faith I have found in You has been simple in nature. But is not simplicity the essence of faith itself ? From the first moment when I prayed a simple prayer for You to enter my heart, I felt such joy from that moment onward in my life. Such joy could only come from Your love, not from any fear of punishment. You are my Father, who loves unconditionally, accepts our faults unconditionally, and who only wants us to return to His arms. I don't have references or study guides to show as evidence; only what has been building in my heart over so many years.
Dear Lord, the very essence of Christ must be Love. You sent Your Son for this purpose only; for the ultimate expression of Love. So why should we doubt Your Love ? Lord, two verses do come to my mind:
"For God so Loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal live. For God did not sent His Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through Him."
"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself."
Dear Lord, please help my friend Mel to come back to the Truth, back to the Light, and to know that You are Love.
AMEN
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3 comments:
Thank you, Brent, for your encouraging words. Your trust in God's ultimate Goodness is your strength. I hope to make it my own. But it is a struggle...
I think of you by the hour, as I work on a roof near your house. I sing songs to you. You don't know this, but my hope is that my songs and thoughts will ease your pain and, if it is to be so, ease your passage from this world to the Next.
Words fail me....I am amazed at the kindness and dignity that marks your struggle with cancer. May I remember your example when my time comes. And may you inspire me in my time of need.
Brent...when words fail, song takes over. Here's an old evening song, which speaks so well for that which stirs within me. I hope to see you.
With love, Mel
Evening Star
Evening star up yonder, teach me like you to wander
Willing and obediently the path that God ordained for me!
Evening star up yonder!
Teach me, gentle flowers, to wait for spring-time showers;
In this wint’ry world to grow green and strong beneath the snow.
Teach me, gentle flowers.
Teach me, lonely heather, where songbirds nest together
Though my life should seem unblest to keep a song within my breast.
Teach me, lonely heather.
Mighty ocean, teach me to do the task that needs me
And reflect, as days depart, Heaven’s peace within my heart.
Mighty ocean, teach me.
Shady lanes, refreshing, teach me to be a blessing
To some weary soul each day, friends or foes who pass my way,
Shady lanes, refreshing.
Evening sun, descending, teach me when life is ending.
Night shall pass, and I like you, shall rise again, where life is new.
Teach me, sun descending.
_____________________________________
Chr. Richardt (1861) / Carl Mortensen, Trans. S.D. Rodholm
Brian! Ben!
What incredibly handsome and smart sons you, Brent, have. And loyal Usha, your devoted wife!
We took Brian to a pro tennis match in Indi. He's my son's age, and they both excel at tennis. Your son is quiet...mine only a bit less so. Both are thoughtful young men. They both have a rock solid foundations on which to build productive and giving lives.
They are the apples of our eyes. How could it be otherwise? God has given us a fierce loyalty towards our loved ones. But we must let them go... for their sake as much as for ours. That's the hard part...letting go ....
Both our sons now attend the University of Illinois. Both have splendid futures ahead of them. In our sons and daughters we see likenesses of ourselves...the images of previous generations. We are all connected to the Source of Life.
If you can no longer be there in person at those special moments that mark the lives of your sons, then, as circumstances permit, let me be there for you. Allow me to put a hand on their shoulders and remind them that their father deeply loves them, and that his Spirit dwells within them. That is one last thing I can do for you, dear Brent. I want to do something for you...to sing and grieve and pray and give something in return for what you mean to me...to us.
I want to invite Brian to play tennis with me and with Daniel. I hope Ben and Usha will continue to join our church group for Frisbee. Even as we play and socialize, God is there, smiles upon us, and covers us with his wings. And he covers you too, Brent!
Autumn is in the air. Leaves hint at the coming time of winter rest. We all need rest. God speaks in quiet moments. May he speak to you...to me...to those of us who carry you in our hearts. With affection,
Mel
Dear Brent,
I have spent the morning reading your blog from the very beginning. I've never read a blog before but after visiting with you, I wanted to know more about your journey.
Thank you so much for making yourself vulnerable. Your honest and at times painful sharing has been a wonderful gift to me and to others I'm sure.
You have a great gift for writing and have taken this difficult time to share that gift. The transparency you have provided into your thoughts, hopes, pain and love really touched me.
Thank you Brent for all you have been and will continue to be to each of us.
Your FMC friend,
Martha
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