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Dear Lord,
Please have mercy on my family, friends and myself. Thank you for answering prayers, in so many small ways. Your grace is indeed given to me. I am sorry for not always using my eyes, ears, or heart to recognize your presence and gifts.
Thank you for sending such a wonderful nurse to help us through the process of my passing to the next life. She has perceived my emotional need, and spoken to me in truth of what I must now face. I have not been of sound mind since the days of drug overdose. I have not been able to settle down emotionally since my lungs have begun to lose function. I have not felt Your Spirit surround me, like before. Yet I have Unfinished Business ... I know what it is, but I have tried to ignore this and push it back in time. Now I can feel time coming short; my breath shortens; my life shortens; there is no more time to ignore. This issue must be settled before it is too late, so my mind and heart can come to peace.
Dear Lord, my Unfinished Business is too heartbreaking for me to face alone. I cannot do this without Your guidance, Your strength, Your inspiration. I have not wanted to face this, so I have not sought Your help. Now I come to You with desperation and urgency; just as so often in the past I have ignored You until feeling vulnerable, only then to come running back to You as a child to a parent. Thank you, Lord, for the guidance from those who love me, who know and advise that I need to again drink deeply from Your Word for inspiration, and to allow You to carry this burden for me.
Dear Lord, You know my heart. You know my Unfinished Business is with my children. I am not ready to let go of this life, because I am not ready to let go of my children. How can I be asked to do this ? They are part of me; I am part of them. My boys are the light in my eye, a precious part of my life. So much effort has been put into raising them, teaching them, loving them. I cannot imagine being without them, and they without me. But now ... there is going to be no choice.
Dear Lord, You know my wife and I have been together through this entire illness. We have decided together all things; we have decided together to stop treating the disease. She has given me permission to leave her, and come home to You. But not so my children. They have not made these decisions; they do not understand the full implications of our separation.
But Lord, I know I need permission from my children to leave; I cannot achieve peace in my heart and mind until this is granted from them. And in a very real way they also need to hear from me, permission to go on with their lives when I am gone; to honor my memory, but not to dwell on my absence ... just to enjoy their lives.
Dear Lord, how can I approach them ? How can I place such burden on my youngest son, who is only 14 and not able to fully comprehend ? How can my oldest son be helpful to me, and helpful to my youngest son ? How can I talk about my death, but with gentleness and love ? How can I give them assurance ? How can I help them grow in faith, in the face of such tragedy ? What legacy can I leave to them ?
Dear Lord, please take this burden from myself and my children; carry it for us; give us the inspiration and the words; give us the time to speak well; let us share memories with joy and not feel pain or sadness; guide us in our time together.
Please lead me through this new land, for I have no guide and am overwhelmed by the task. Let me, in silence, hear Your still small voice which speaks to my heart.
AMEN
Please have mercy on my family, friends and myself. Thank you for answering prayers, in so many small ways. Your grace is indeed given to me. I am sorry for not always using my eyes, ears, or heart to recognize your presence and gifts.
Thank you for sending such a wonderful nurse to help us through the process of my passing to the next life. She has perceived my emotional need, and spoken to me in truth of what I must now face. I have not been of sound mind since the days of drug overdose. I have not been able to settle down emotionally since my lungs have begun to lose function. I have not felt Your Spirit surround me, like before. Yet I have Unfinished Business ... I know what it is, but I have tried to ignore this and push it back in time. Now I can feel time coming short; my breath shortens; my life shortens; there is no more time to ignore. This issue must be settled before it is too late, so my mind and heart can come to peace.
Dear Lord, my Unfinished Business is too heartbreaking for me to face alone. I cannot do this without Your guidance, Your strength, Your inspiration. I have not wanted to face this, so I have not sought Your help. Now I come to You with desperation and urgency; just as so often in the past I have ignored You until feeling vulnerable, only then to come running back to You as a child to a parent. Thank you, Lord, for the guidance from those who love me, who know and advise that I need to again drink deeply from Your Word for inspiration, and to allow You to carry this burden for me.
Dear Lord, You know my heart. You know my Unfinished Business is with my children. I am not ready to let go of this life, because I am not ready to let go of my children. How can I be asked to do this ? They are part of me; I am part of them. My boys are the light in my eye, a precious part of my life. So much effort has been put into raising them, teaching them, loving them. I cannot imagine being without them, and they without me. But now ... there is going to be no choice.
Dear Lord, You know my wife and I have been together through this entire illness. We have decided together all things; we have decided together to stop treating the disease. She has given me permission to leave her, and come home to You. But not so my children. They have not made these decisions; they do not understand the full implications of our separation.
But Lord, I know I need permission from my children to leave; I cannot achieve peace in my heart and mind until this is granted from them. And in a very real way they also need to hear from me, permission to go on with their lives when I am gone; to honor my memory, but not to dwell on my absence ... just to enjoy their lives.
Dear Lord, how can I approach them ? How can I place such burden on my youngest son, who is only 14 and not able to fully comprehend ? How can my oldest son be helpful to me, and helpful to my youngest son ? How can I talk about my death, but with gentleness and love ? How can I give them assurance ? How can I help them grow in faith, in the face of such tragedy ? What legacy can I leave to them ?
Dear Lord, please take this burden from myself and my children; carry it for us; give us the inspiration and the words; give us the time to speak well; let us share memories with joy and not feel pain or sadness; guide us in our time together.
Please lead me through this new land, for I have no guide and am overwhelmed by the task. Let me, in silence, hear Your still small voice which speaks to my heart.
AMEN
8 comments:
Dear Brent,
What a tough journey this has been for you and yours for the last 15 months and we can only stand up and salute you for your courage and an exceptional perspective of viewing events the way you do !!
The Lord has chosen you to work in His vineyard for reasons beyond our comprehension and we earnestly pray that He may keep you to continue your unfinished work here on earth.
In the 20 years of being in the medical profession there have been instances where we have failed and on the other hand I have often wondered how much of our success is truly our effort!!
I spoke with Mom and Dad over the weekend who are storming Heaven with their prayers.
Praying for all your intentions,
With much love,
Sunny & Vernon ( Harry & Margie's daughter-in-law and son-)
Brent:
Your own words contain many of the answers to your questions and prayers, as if the Spirit has already been them whispering in your ear. Don’t worry about finding the strength to do what you need to do, you’ve already shown it. Just trust God to let you know the time to speak your feelings to your children with all the joy that comes from knowing how wonderful and amazing they truly are! And do it as often as you can!
In some ways, your unfinished business truly seems like a daunting task. What can it mean for your children to give their father permission to die? I’ve tried to imagine how boys of 14 and 18 (or so) might feel about that and my first reaction was that it’s an impossible request to make of them. But they do and will see what is happening to you, so I think the permission will come – and may already be there – if not in words then in their confidence that they can face your death without fear.
But they can’t do that unless they understand how deeply you love them and are so sure of that love that they’ll never doubt it! The words you’ve shared here are all they need, except that I can’t imagine anything that a boy could want more than to hear his father speak them to him! That you have the grace to so speak of love in the face of death is what will give them faith in the source of that love. And the memory of your words and life will give them strength to trust themselves and God and other people when they most need to.
And they need to know what to do when you are gone. You’ve already taught them much about how to be a good man and father. And your wish for them to live full, joyful lives shows your faith in them, which is something they will also need. Remembering you speaking those words will become the voice that reminds them when they are confused or sad or even angry, which are all okay too, for like your love for them, God is always there.
So please, rest assured that the grace that has carried you this far and allowed you to teach us all so much about being human and being a child of God - and yes being a father too - will be enough to permit you to finish the work God has given you to do!
With deep gratitude and respect,
Bob
Dear Brent sir,
U are really courageous facing the real fact of the life from which every one has to pass away with the grace of the almighty.
We can only pray for you and with regards for your family.
You can remember with you had plot visits for hybrid wheat in Khandwa, Madhyapradesh, India.
We will always follow your guidance you had given us from time to time.
With Love
Subhash Kumar Thakur
Indore
Brent,
My heart and prayers continued to be with you, and for you and your family. My heart is truly feeling the burden that you feel regarding your children. For me in just every day life without the imminent threat of death, the thought of going home to the Lord is joyful with one exception - my children - who will be there for them, would they be angry at God.
I pray that when God chooses to take you home, that your children will feel His comfort and peace during their time of grief, even now during their fears of losing you. I pray they will not be angry and forgive and trust God for what they do not understand right now. I pray that they will instead, draw nigh unto Him like they have never experienced before. I pray that God will comfort and strengthen Usha supernaturally and provide her the strength she needs to walk your boys through this challenge. I pray that the Holy Spirit bring peace to you and your family.
I know God does not take pleasure in seeing us suffer, but I know He is taking pleasure in your openness to Him and your desire to draw near to Him and allow Him to take control. This is all He wants from all of us on a daily basis, but most of the time we don’t get there without a tragedy or life challenge.
Whether you now it or not, your response to this challenge has been inspiring to me and I am sure others as well. You are doing a work even in your last moments. God will reward you and I am confident that part of that reward and His desire will indeed be to care for your family.
Love to you and your family,
Linda
Heb 12:1-3 “…given we are encompassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside the weight and sin that so easily besets us, and let us run with patience, the race that is set before us. Looking unto Jesus, the author of our faith, who for the joy (that’s us!) that was set before Him, endured the cross, despising the shame, and now sits at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider Him who endured such contradiction of sinners against Himself, lest we become weary and faint in our minds.”
John 14:1-4 “Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me. In my Father's house are many mansions. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, that where I am you may be also. And you know the way to where I am going.”
Dear Brent,
Honestly, I just don't know what to write after reading your recent message on MY Unfinished Business. I strongly believe that God is going to answer all your questions. The God is going to keep you as long as possible on this earth to make your handsome boys (Brian and Ben) to learn more you about the true meaning of life, illness and their carryout all your wish to come true. They will grow as a better person than anybody else and one day they might find a cure for the same cancer which affected your life.
It is very very hard even to think of separating from the children. We don't even know what they really think of all the things happening in front of their eyes. But since I know them in the last 8 years, they are strong minded and resolute and they will surely make all your dream come true. Of course, it is the most difficult things for Usha although she better understands everything what you are going through with your health.
I continue to pray to the God to show mercy on you, reduce your pain and live as long as possible with Usha, Ben, Brian and your parents.
It is great to see a picture of Ben and Brian after so many years.
With love and Prayer,
Kasi
Dear Brent,
I have read all most all of your blogs. I think of you so often and ponder as to why such things happen more so ever to those who are good, loving, caring especially YOU. Well it is pointless to try to come up with reasons for this. There is no explanation for why bad things happen to good people.
The most encouraging aspect has been you, you who has been a pillar and stood strong in the tragedy. You've been able to model of courage, acceptance and a lack of despair. You have proven that one needs to have faith when prayers for physical healing are not answered. But this is answered in different forms like support from family and friends. Your thoughts also help those reading your blogs strengthen themselves and their faith.
I do remember you and will continue remembering you and your family in my prayers. Especially the good moments spent together at MAHYCO. Well, frankly speaking there weren’t any bad moments spent amongst the two of us. I also pray to the Lord Almighty to enable you overcome your sorrows and anxiety.
with love and prayers
Arvind Tawade
Dear Dr. Brent,
Everytime I would read your message, it would fill my heart with sorrow. And I would ask God, to give michael and me the strength to face the fact of life. And I thought it was impossible to have that strength like you. But after reading your "My Unfinished Business", I think we have started gaining the strength and we are seeing you losing yours. May God give you not only strength, but also peace. Your family has been at your side, which itself speaks about their strength. Don't think your Business is unfinished. God will give your wife Usha, the strength and spirit to finish your Business. We just pray for that.
Sincerely,
Lilly
Mark the perfect man, and behold the upright: for the end of that man is peace.
(Psalm 37:37)
Death is not extinguishing the light from the Christian; it is putting out the lamp because the dawn has come.
Dear Brent
For once I am short of words.Yes I do understand the feeling of "unfinished business" but then God will always be there to do the needful and help everyone through. If my prayers were to be answered I would pray that God give me the strength and heart to reach out to you and walk even that last mile with you. We all beleive in meeting again someday and I am sure that we wont be denied of that wish ever.
I am really sorry I cant express myself as well as others do but hope and pray you will understand what I feel.
Love,Prayers and Peace
Christo.
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