Dear Friends,
I thought it best to write more entries soon, and not wait too much longer. From yesterday, my lungs have started to lose function at a much faster rate. Even though I take breath, it doesn't feel that I am getting enough oxygen into my system. I am no longer able to breath effectively without oxygen support and medicine. The tightness in my chest is pronounced. So my time is indeed running out. To be honest, I don't feel that any person in this position can really completely accept what is happening. We can talk about it, conceptualize it, but when the disease actually progresses then there is always a level of regret and sadness. This is the case with myself also. Each new phase in the disease progression is marked by tears, which need to be shed to get out the emotions and gain courage to continue with the journey. I am so thankful for my wife, who walks me through this process with her strength and courage.
But regardless of my human weaknesses, there has been another significant experience which has been wonderful for me during this time. I can only describe it as a spiritual awakening. As my body has decreased, my Spirit has risen and given me insight, inspiration and comfort in many ways. I can only attribute this to what the Bible calls the Holy Spirit; which is promised and sent by Jesus Christ to guide our lives and give us the means to draw closer to Him. The first time I felt this Spirit, I was very young (around 10 years old). I remember how my awareness of this Spirit brought great joy and meaning. As we go on with our lives, we tend to get busy with our daily troubles and often do not take time to seek guidance or work on our spiritual growth. But when facing challenges, or life threatening disease, we begin to again frantically search out that Spirit within; pushing aside the clutter of our lives to find It alive and well.
I can attest that this Spirit is indeed still within me, patiently waiting to be allowed to again take control. I have felt a strong spiritual awareness growing since my disease progression, and a certain knowledge of the presence of God in my life. This Spirit speaks to me without actually hearing a voice; rather just placing in my mind a sudden awareness which gives guidance, particularly to overcome my fears and doubt. This Spirit is the reason I started this Blog. I can only describe it as a strong calling that I just knew had to be done, even though I had never before shared such thoughts with others. This instruction from my Spirit was very clear to me at the time, and has given me insight for what to write down. This Spirit leads me to share with others, despite the limitation of my illness. This Spirit is joyful, even child-like in a good way. It gives me assurance of what will come after my death.
I only wish that I have taken more time over these many years to nurture growth of the Spirit in my life, and not to wait until a crisis to call upon God for help and renewal of His Spirit in me. This is certainly a lesson. Trying to lead a spiritual life is something which most of us don't take seriously enough; but I have respect for those who do seek daily spiritual growth in their lives and try to draw closer to God. I believe that God is constantly seeking us; and that what God desires is for us to sincerely seek Him also, even when that seems to be very difficult and far away. To persevere in the search for God is an ultimate act of faith.
My challenge now is to continue to allow this Spirit to lead me, even in suffering. What is to come for me over the next few weeks will be very difficult, frightening and perhaps painful. I need strength and courage beyond what I have now. I need to allow God to guide me through His Spirit, and bring comfort in the knowledge that I am never alone. At some point my Spirit will pass through the window of death and into the sunshine of the next life. No more pain, no more disease, no more sorrow; only peace, joy and unconditional love. Please pray for myself and my family as we go through this time over the coming weeks.
I thought it best to write more entries soon, and not wait too much longer. From yesterday, my lungs have started to lose function at a much faster rate. Even though I take breath, it doesn't feel that I am getting enough oxygen into my system. I am no longer able to breath effectively without oxygen support and medicine. The tightness in my chest is pronounced. So my time is indeed running out. To be honest, I don't feel that any person in this position can really completely accept what is happening. We can talk about it, conceptualize it, but when the disease actually progresses then there is always a level of regret and sadness. This is the case with myself also. Each new phase in the disease progression is marked by tears, which need to be shed to get out the emotions and gain courage to continue with the journey. I am so thankful for my wife, who walks me through this process with her strength and courage.
But regardless of my human weaknesses, there has been another significant experience which has been wonderful for me during this time. I can only describe it as a spiritual awakening. As my body has decreased, my Spirit has risen and given me insight, inspiration and comfort in many ways. I can only attribute this to what the Bible calls the Holy Spirit; which is promised and sent by Jesus Christ to guide our lives and give us the means to draw closer to Him. The first time I felt this Spirit, I was very young (around 10 years old). I remember how my awareness of this Spirit brought great joy and meaning. As we go on with our lives, we tend to get busy with our daily troubles and often do not take time to seek guidance or work on our spiritual growth. But when facing challenges, or life threatening disease, we begin to again frantically search out that Spirit within; pushing aside the clutter of our lives to find It alive and well.
I can attest that this Spirit is indeed still within me, patiently waiting to be allowed to again take control. I have felt a strong spiritual awareness growing since my disease progression, and a certain knowledge of the presence of God in my life. This Spirit speaks to me without actually hearing a voice; rather just placing in my mind a sudden awareness which gives guidance, particularly to overcome my fears and doubt. This Spirit is the reason I started this Blog. I can only describe it as a strong calling that I just knew had to be done, even though I had never before shared such thoughts with others. This instruction from my Spirit was very clear to me at the time, and has given me insight for what to write down. This Spirit leads me to share with others, despite the limitation of my illness. This Spirit is joyful, even child-like in a good way. It gives me assurance of what will come after my death.
I only wish that I have taken more time over these many years to nurture growth of the Spirit in my life, and not to wait until a crisis to call upon God for help and renewal of His Spirit in me. This is certainly a lesson. Trying to lead a spiritual life is something which most of us don't take seriously enough; but I have respect for those who do seek daily spiritual growth in their lives and try to draw closer to God. I believe that God is constantly seeking us; and that what God desires is for us to sincerely seek Him also, even when that seems to be very difficult and far away. To persevere in the search for God is an ultimate act of faith.
My challenge now is to continue to allow this Spirit to lead me, even in suffering. What is to come for me over the next few weeks will be very difficult, frightening and perhaps painful. I need strength and courage beyond what I have now. I need to allow God to guide me through His Spirit, and bring comfort in the knowledge that I am never alone. At some point my Spirit will pass through the window of death and into the sunshine of the next life. No more pain, no more disease, no more sorrow; only peace, joy and unconditional love. Please pray for myself and my family as we go through this time over the coming weeks.
Peace to All,
BRENT
1 comment:
Sir,
We have seen a man only in you, who have full of inner strength, courage and full of confidence. Hence regularly by the way of prayer we are emotionally forcing God to do things in your favour.
Ashwin Sovani & Family
Mahyco Seeds Limited
Jalna
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