Sometime last week (I don't remember the exact day), before my latest treatment started, I was having problems with my laptop computer. It simply wouldn't boot up properly; kept going in loops. My father and I went to a computer store for a diagnostic test; to find out if some recent software we had installed was causing this problem. Well, after a long day of tests, I received a call from the expert informing that my "hard disk is dying". After I received the computer back, sure enough it was finished. You may be able to guess my first thought after that .... My faithful little laptop, which had seen me through much work and travel over the past 5 years, was dying - and perhaps so am I. Are we both going out together? Is there any point in my purchasing a new one?
The next day, my family finally arrived from India; and the question of purchasing a new laptop computer came up (my oldest son also needs one for his University studies). My wife would not hear of such non-sense; that I may not live long enough to make use of a new laptop. So off we went to the computer store.
So I ask you .... Is my purchase of a new laptop computer an act of Faith ?? The answer is Yes .... Faith in the future, but also faith that I will make good use of the computer in whatever time is present. In just the same way that everyone's normal daily activities are acts of faith. We all get up in the morning, go to work, drive the car, etc.; all on faith that our lives will continue and will be productive. The truth is that our lives could change forever at any moment, but we have faith to carry on despite this possibility. So why not me also?
As my wife says .... "Do not be so concerned with worries of tomorrow, that you forget to live today." It is great to have such a wife as this. I will try to put this new laptop to good use, for these Blog entries and other things.
BRENT
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Dear Brent,
I was sorry to hear your further news but was very happy to see you come out with greater strength via your blog. This was the perfect thing to do. I had written a few mails to your personal id but felt you may not be reading them any more. Was sorry to have missed you during your last visit to Dww.
I do believe God tests us during these trials, we come out stronger via these. Like you have mentioned Nathan's story. There is also Armstrong, the 7 times Tour-De-France champion who conquered cancer first and then won the gruelling championships. Like Andy Grove, ex Chairman of Intel, who researched on the net for his incurable disease and found a cure and lived to tell the story for many years. I think you should keep researching on the net, it will provide you a lot of insight into the disease and maybe the right cure too. I have been on the disease since my brother-in-law died of it but have seen the successful treatment of my nephew, his son, with the new advances that have come of the disease. New treatment perhaps would have been right for you too but let us Trust in God, he will guide to the right path.
And don't talk such rot as not buying the laptop, you will use it for a long time still.
If you feel like, read a book called "Autobiography of a Yogi" by Paramhansa Yogananda, it is an easy reading book but explains many of our life's mysteries and what Christ also said about various things. It is available in USA also from Self Realization Fellowship, HQ in California.
Cheer up and see you some time back in India soon.
Best wishes
ajoy mukherjee
just 4 lines i wrote long ago
Let the past not haunt you
Let the future not taunt you
What today has for you in store
Is for you. my friend, enough and more.
A positive today will definitely be the correct line for a brighter tomorrow.With prayers and best wishes
Christo and shobha.
Dear Brent,
Reading your blog was interesting. Very recently i read the Lance Armstrong autobiographical called "its not just about the bicycle" And it ws very enlightening to read some stuff there..
Foe example, how he says that cycling was all that he cared and when he got told of his cancer and underwent chemo, he confesses that all that was so life deining , was actually non issues in his present that time. There were times that post treatment, he decided to vegetate by drinking and playing golf aimlessly in a bid to drown his depressiveness. But it is will power that helped him recover against the odds ( the doctor gave him less than 3 percent later confessed it was less than 1 percent!!) , claw back into his detractors who never believed in him and went from courage to strengths to win for himself.
It also reminded me of my many struggles I had in my youth with health but will not let it overshadow, the heroic efforts mentioned above. But all I can say is that it was my sheer will power that helped me crawl back from severe arthiritis and relive again.
Think not how long you have been told that you will live.. They are lying and predicting. Can anyone other than GOD tell you how long you will live ? Besides, it does not matter how long you live but how well you live. I spoke to a friend the other day for a long time and was told later the next day, that he passed away in a road accident.
So, its pointless to think of deathly matters when you can chose living. You always have two choices, to think and celebrate life OR keep a watch out for the old man with the grass sickle. Choice is yours.
BUT please read the book.
Brent: I caught up on your blog this morning and want you to know that I appreciate more than I can say in letting us know about your health - both the physical and spiritual. You inspire me. As I read your computer entry, I was reminded of a very poignant Thursday morning Bible study here at church. It was many years ago and Jean Kauffman was sharing with the group about regretting that perhaps her painting/art days would be limited. She was lamenting that perhaps she wouldn't have all the time she wanted to do more art. In our prayer time following her sharing, Rachel Rasmussen prayed a very beautiful and heartfelt prayer, and I still remember one of her phrases - a profound one, I think. Rachel prayed, "help Jean know that whatever time she has is the right amount of time." I share that because it seems applicable to your computer story and Usha's positive outlook. God bless.
Hi Brent,
I have been looking through the clinical trial site of the National Cancer Institute. At this page
(http://www.cancer.gov/clinicaltrials/search) from the drop down menu choose - rhabdomyosarcoma child- as the
type of cancer and click search. There are about 80 results of current trials for children and adults.
I am an oncology researcher by profession, not the best person to advise you. But in the coming days I will look through them and hopefully suggest something. Maybe you could ask your oncologist to go through them (he probably knows about them already). Thanks for writing this inspiring blog.
By the way, what laptop did you buy?
Dear Brent,
After I read about your laptop incident, the following story came up my mind. Just wanted to share it with you and cheer you up.
A girl was suffering from a serius illness. The trees in her garden were in full fall colors and were all shedding leaves as the season changed. Right next to her window she would see an oak tree shedding its leaves like all other trees. In her mind she thought of a resemblance of her life with the leaves falling from that oak tree. And she would think that by the time when the last oak leaf fell, her life would end. Her mother read that little girl’s mind and wanted to do something to change her depressing mind. When the girl was sleeping, quietly one night she went up the oak tree and glued that last leaf to the tree so it would never fall. The girl woke up that morning and waited for the leaf to fall, 2 days, 3 days even weeks passed by, that last leaf never fell from the tree! The girl was surprised and became more and more cheerful. By the time the seasons changed to winter and into spring. The tree once again sprouted leaves from its branches, still holding that old and dried leaf on its branch. The girl forgot about her illness and depression and when she saw the tree blooming once again. She felt some changes in herself and became healthy once again and her disease was gone!!
I remember reading this story when I was in high school, don’t know who the author and other details are, but still very fresh in my mind. Hope this would cheer you too. The cure is in our minds. If I were near you, I would have quietly removed the dying hard disk and replaced it with a new one with all your data back!!! Cheer up Brent, it will all be just fine...
Best regards
Siva
Dear Brent (I am following your directions of not using the word SIR!),
I totally agree with Dr.Usha when she says "Do not be so concerned with worries of tomorrow, that you forget to live today."
Keep your mind occupied with thoughts other than those related to your health. You are going to be fine and will recover soon. This is just a testing period for you by the Almighty and is just a passing phase.
Trivial things like the had disk issue should not bother you. Siva had a good story in his comment and would pray that you too, like the girl in the story, cheer up, forget about your illness and recover at the earliest.
Regards,
Rajeev Pillai,
Respected Dr Brent Sir,
I am very sorry to hear your further news. I am praying to God to give you strength and power to fight back. You are going to all right and will recover very soon. I have seen three such cases of my dear once. They are successfully treated and now they are fine. God test us and give us strength. We all of us with you and everything will be Ok. If you believe in Ayurveda, I would like to suggest Dr.Raghunath Ozarkar who lives at Paigalwadi , 4KM from Trimbakeshwar at Nashik Trimbankeshwar Road Maharashtra known as Deobappa Sansthan. They are very famous for Ayurvedic Treatment. They judge patients by putting hand on the head. They observe pulses coming from body and tells whats are the problems, we dont need to tell anything to them. And then they will prescribe Ayurvedic Medicine. Recently one of my close relative (Wife of my Brother-in-low) is under his treatment. and progressing better and better. Ayurved treats from root.
With Best Wishes.
Nandkumar Mandlik
Brent:
Thanks for sharing your laptop story. Perhaps an important aspect of your act of faith was your ability to respond to your family's love; as long as you can still respond you have the most important kind of health. And with them we all share in hoping with you that a cure will be found.
God's peace,
Bob
PS Lou Reed has a nice line in one of his more recent songs..."It takes a busload of faith to get by." I don't know that he's been where you are, but maybe he's learned something.
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